Ok, this is a hard topic to cover. Many people have questions about Hanna's condition. It is typical and human nature to be curious about things. If you have seen or see a person with a disabitlity in public, please do not stare. If you are curious about the condition, approach the person and ask a tactful question. Remember that the person with the disability is present so the question should be asked in a way that it is not offensive. To help know what to say here are some things that should NOT be said: (all of these things have been said to me in Hanna's presence)
1. Whats wrong with her?
Like all questions this question was not intended to be offensive. There is nothing wrong with Hanna, she is only different. A comment like that can hurt ones self esteem. Instead say "What is the reason for the braces?" (or whatever object got your attention). This is a perfectly good question and is not offensive in any way. If you are curious please ask questions because it is important for people to be educated. Don't feel embarrassed because I can guarantee that a parent or guardian whould be more than happy to talk to you about their child. Hey, doesn't everyone like talking aobut their children?
2. Shortly after one of Hanna's surgeries Hanna and I went shopping at Gymboree. She had casts on both her legs and an employee approached us. When she saw Hanna she threw both hands on her face and screamed "OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED?"
Ok no. This is definitely not approprate. If you feel that you ABSOLUTLY MUST say something...Don't.
3. For all the people who think it necessary to comment on or position other peoples' children...STOP! People are constantly coming up to Hanna and saying that she looks uncomfortable in her stroller. This is how she sits, why would you even comment about someone elses child in a "negative" context? I have also had people come up to Hanna and try to straighten her leg or foot. Why would you situate some one elses child? I am sure that all of these actions are not meant to offend, but please think before you speak or act. Ask yourself how you would feel if someone made that comment or did that to you. ****UPDATE***** Apparently this is a bigger problem then I realized when I wrote this so here you go:
I still do not understand why to this day people feel they can tend to other people’s kids. DO NOT correct my children, DO NOT tell my children what to do. This makes me truly crazy!! Why would you do this??? I would NEVER correct another person’s child. Not even if they were a good friend! Why is it that complete strangers think they are entitled to help parent my children? The only people who have this right are the parents and grandparents. Grandparents earn this right~that’s why they are grand! But everyone else: If you want to parent, have kids then parent your own. If you have kids then tend to them not mine. If your kids are grown then give me the respect you should have been given when your kids were growing up. You got to raise your kids the way you saw fit, give me that same right! I guess that since I am in what they like to think of as the deep south that it is ok to be in everyone else’s business. It’s not alright. LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE!!
4. Do not touch Hanna's chair. She drives it with her head and yes that is cool but please do not put your hands on her head switch. When you come from behind to do this Hanna can not see you and she doesn't understand why her chair is not doing what she is trying to get it to do. I have had small children as well as adults do this to her! I have smacked the hands of grown men when they touch her headswitch! Just like your parents always told you in a breakable store "Just look, don't touch!" Now if Hanna want's to give you a ride then hop on, but just don't mess with the mechanics. It's a very expensive piece of equipment!!
5. Don't talk about Hanna when she is sitting right there. This is getting bad. If you have a question ask her or if you are uncomfortble asking wait until she is not around. If I have just met you I will give you this website and hopefully you are reading this page and learning lots!
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: Do not treat people with disabilities differently. They do not need to be treated any better or any worse than anyone else. The surroundings/environment should be respectful and encouraging of oneself,but no special treatment should accompany them. Both extra attention and lack thereof are damaging. For example, the environment should be accessible and the activities only slightly adjustable (I like to call it "wiggle room") so that everyone can participate in some form, but the individual should not be doted on or given extra attention for performing expected tasks. And yes, there should be expectations! Special roles should not be given unless discussed prior with the individual. Last thing, please treat everyone the way you wish to be treated. Differently abled or not. Please be mindful and do not leave others out or leave them behind because they need extra help or require a slower pace.
Main point: PLEASE BE MINDFUL!
This page is not meant to be condescending but to let people know appropriate behavior. I hope that this page has not been too harsh but these things have gone too long without saying. We need to remember that these kids' confidence is at risk and a low self image can result in an unmotivated, undetermined, adolesent and adult. My goal as a mother is to build up my child and encourage her to reach her full potential. As much as we as parents hate that others can influence our children it is inevitiable that comments made by other adults and peers can extremely affect a child.
"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in
settings of silver."
Proverbs 25:11
